The basic rule is that any humor that is exclusive, separates people, puts someone down or ridicules others, destroys self-esteem, uses stereotypes of groups, encourages a negative atmosphere, offends others or lacks awareness of other’s feelings is inappropriate.

Appropriate humor is inclusive. It brings people together. It is shared with all. It decreases prejudice by focusing on what we all have in common It encourages a positive atmosphere. It builds rapport and trust. It is based on caring and comes from a place of love and kindness. It is supportive and builds confidence. It can be self-effacing, role modeling how to poke fun at oneself without being negative or too self-critical.

Research has shown that there is a distinctive difference in the health benefits of positive and negative humor. Positive humor as outlined above has positive physiological effects on one’s body and mind. Negative humor has not been found to have these same health benefits.

Dealing with negative humor:

What should I do when someone at work uses inappropriate humor around me and I don’t like it?

There are several responses open to you depending on the type of person you are or mood that you are in.

1. The make them think approach: You can asked them to retell the joke or story again using themselves as the main character instead of the race, religion, nationality or sex they used in the joke or story. Most will say, “Then it is not funny.” Exactly!
2. The direct (assertive) approach: You can simply state that you don’t appreciate that kind of humor and would they please not use it in front of you. Reply, “I don’t find that kind of humor amusing.”
3. The indirect approach: Choose not to laugh or smile at the end of the joke. You may go as far as putting on a frown or an angry face if that’s how you feel.

4. The educational approach: You could choose to educate them by explaining the differences outlined above between inclusive and exclusive humor. This will permit them a face-saving response. For example, you could say something like “I’m sure if you were aware of how mean-spirited that joke makes you sound you wouldn’t use it.”

Any of these responses could be done privately or in a group. The peer pressure of a group would have a stronger impact on the person and let others know how you feel about offensive humor at the same time.

Most people offend others and tell poor jokes out of ignorance. We all have different tastes in humor, like we do with food. What is offensive to some is funny to others.

In certain professions there is gallows humor and other types that the general public would not understand, but really serves a healthy purpose as a coping mechanism in a stressful and dire workplace such as an emergency room, combat or law enforcement situations.